Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize