Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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