i permit you to call me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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