That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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