I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
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The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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