I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I smell like Dick and happiness
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