TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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