I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize