he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize