I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize