we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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