she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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