his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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