Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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