so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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