He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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