I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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