Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My hand turned me down
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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