hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize