Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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