I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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