operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize