i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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