If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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