Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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