...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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