It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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