She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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