I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
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Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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