Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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