Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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