Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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