I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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