My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize