First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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