My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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