I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This house was built for laser tag.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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