It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize