we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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