So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize