SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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