Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize