yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize