My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize