I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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