i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
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I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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