Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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