The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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