I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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