After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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